I will never be good enough
or make them proud of me.
I can not be who they want me to be.
I will always make a huge mistake
which may cost me financially or emotionally.
My body will never be beautiful
not like the pictures in the magazines.
I am surrounded by doubt and negativity.
So much it feels like I am drowning!
The worst thing is these perceptions cloud my inner version of me.
Escaping them is not an option
though I will always be battling them!
It assaults the nose.
Brings you to tears.
How to explain it?
It stinks!
Mind snapped
Helter Skelter
Run Amok
Unknowable decisions
Insane Energy
Manic Outbursts
Then nothing
It is so much fun watching the cats play
I cannot decide
if I should hide
these tears I cried
for the awful genocide
of the wrong side
on this world’s tide
of hate that always lied
about ones whom I have tried
to learn and like besides
Why must the others always die?
The morning air is nippy.
The chill makes me wrap my hands
around my coffee more firmly.
You can smell the cold
as the leaves already start to turn colour.
Summer is already too short.
A few more days of shorts weather
… is that too much to ask?
Coffee
Chocolate
Cookies
Caring
Comfort
Courage
Ahhh to have a cuppa…
Paid or intrinsic good?
Bribery or threats?
Which works best?
Unpaid labour or slavery?
Serious or joking?
Guilt might work best for some
but I find myself at a loss.
Empathy works wonders
but usually leaves the dishes undone.
Yesterday my child was sick.
Between concern and worry
I picked up his bug
Now lethargic
and feeling ill
I have appointments
I cannot miss.
Life loves to surprise me.
Happiness is not self explanatory.
Sadness creeps in unnoticed.
Jealousy, anger and rejection love to take your attention.
How can I move without hitting the pain wall?
I am living my life having fought many battles.
So far I have won them all.
I have survived them all.
Even though I have experienced loss
I know now how to take happiness
from the things that bring me joy.
For those things do not always come
and are my most precious treasures.
Fat is a part of nature.
We all have it.
Beautiful or ugly.
It shapes us.
Whether we have curves or not.
I am a chubby girl.
I prefer the term curvaceous.
On me I think the fat is beautiful.
I am seeing more women like me
and am starting to see their beauty too!
