Poetry

What can I say.

I lost.

I wanted more than He could give.

I wanted a lover

not just a friend.

But in the end

sadness and loneliness

are all I ever seem to know.

The neighbourhood cat

jumped on my back.

Claws dug deep within.

The pain excruciating .

Live I will.

He only wanted to play.

Bandages applied.

Cuddles can now be supplied.

Good bad kitty.

I would claim the love of myself

except for the sadness dwelling within.

My love is given to someone special.

They do not love their self.

And so they can not see what I have to give.

So heartsore and lonely I must be.

Hope says to wait.

The one I love says to move on.

Either way I lose.

What have I missed?

Where am I supposed to go?

Who will sit next to me?

Why do I think too much?

How can I possibly be anything else but me?

When is the time for me to be sane?

Or should I just ignore the world and do what I want?

How can  be a poet

when my heart flusters the words?

I scream,

laugh,

cry,

rage,

love,

despair,

convulse,

disappear,

ram the truth

and most of all

still carry through!

The last touch.

A hug.

No more flesh to flesh.

Heartbeat to heartbeat.

The memory of pleasures shared.

Oh my dear friend if only I could convince you

to stay my lover.

But you heart loves differently

and that is why I love you.

My thoughts are chaotic.

My feelings overrule.

The storm crashed through

last night

causing my soul

to wake broken,

uncertain.

This blanket cannot keep the chill off of me.

It cuts.

Pressing into my flesh.

If only I wore jeans not so tight.

The breathe hits the hollow of the neck

just where the shoulder meets.

Warm, tingling, soft.

Slowly it travels up the neck

caressing the skin.

The crook of the ear where it begins

brings forth a soft sigh

before a slightly moist mouth brushes against it.

Nibbles begin. Soft, playful, tantalizing.

Outside the rim lips travel interspersed

with the breath of lust.

Until the tip is reached and

an involuntary indrawn breathe.

Slowly in the ear itself

sweet words are whispered longingly.

Whimsical vagaries ensue

from the cold state of emotions.

How can I do the things they do

and still be myself?

At what point do I disagree

and become ostracized.

Never in life is easy so hard

when your soul is funneled outward.

Today I lost another friend

or at the very least someone who I thought counted highly.