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Trying to make things work.

Pushing through barriers.

Hitting the wall

hoping for it to fall.

Keep going

because no other plan comes to mind.

The time is coming.

The task still needs to be done.

Yet, the consequences are minimal

If not none.

So do I need to adhere to this self imposed deadline.

Outside voices say, yes, discipline must be maintained.

Whereas my inner voice goes

Just ignore it.

You can hyper focus on something else instead.

A leak.

It drips.

Above the kitchen cupboards.

Maintenance is called.

Plumber swears.

Overtime ensues.

The stench lingers

But at least he cleaned up most of the mess.

It is safe to use once again.

Mental block.

Extreme emotional guilt.

Physically sick.

Why?

Why can I not get this simple task done?

On purpose.

Pranks gone wrong.

The cat purrs in my ear.

I will always love you.

His motivations I could see.

His struggles were perilous.

Stockholm syndrome?

Or merely sympathizing with someone

who was hurt

and was going through a very harsh time.

No explanation seems adequate

when I say I love him

and I understand why he was obsessed with her

and did the things he did.

No harm came from his actions

except loss of friends

and self esteem,

which is why

I decided to stand beside him.

He is my friend.

Toasted

And baked.

The thunderstorm

Is welcome

For this

Burnt potato

I used

To call

My body.

Now

It is just

A husk.

No longer

Can he

Venture outside.

The new neighbours

Are not friendly

To him.

One will try to rip

Out the screen

To get at him.

The other one

Would ambush him

By the back door.

Neither cat

Will harm him.

I swear

Which is why

He meows

Piteously at me

Not understanding

That he is

Forever now

An indoor cat.

I have a cat

Insisting on using me

As his pillow.

In this heat

I would rather

He strangled me instead.