Uncategorized

It wasn’t a true vacation.

We never left the house.

Work still happened.

Life went on.

We were just in our own bubble.

Limited to the walls surrounding us.

Now to conquer the fears

Of returning to reality.

The weather is warming up.

People are seen more outside.

Friends greeting each other.

Neighbours waving Hello.

Animals prowling their territory.

The birds protesting.

The dogs insisting on their walks.

City life becomes more alive.

The greys of winter turn slowly green.

The brain processes happiness once again.

When the great fall

due to enemies from within.

I never understood

Why it was so selfish to think of yourself

When all you ever did

Was everything for everyone else.

Telling the world

You have problems

Doesn’t make you weak.

It makes you stronger

For those around you

See you as you truly are.

Human.

It is sad

To see someone lose to the struggle

Fought so bitterly inside.

I only wish

People also see

What that does for them

When the Great Fall

So that they can rise.

Too excited to sleep.

Thoughts jumble and turn

As the body resists the temptation

To relax.

The night will be a long one.

The coming dawn

Proves the day will be even longer.

An argument gone wrong.

The voices raised sound angry.

The neighbours are upset.

I hope all turns out okay.

Also listening in, not to be a busybody,

but in case I need to call the police.

Thankfully, most of my neighbours

are reasonable.

But we are all human

and humans have emotions

and sometimes those emotions

get the better of us.

The thermometer moves.

Colder.

Warmer.

Put it down.

It is freezing.

Go outside!

Who pays the bills?

Up it goes!

I was comfortable.

Put on a sweater!

I’m putting tape over the thermostat!

What’s wrong with you!

Stop being lazy!

Just get up and go do it!

What are you waiting for?

How come you’re not working?!

….

I am working.

I know what is wrong with me.

I am not lazy.

I can not just get up and do it.

I’m not waiting, I’m healing.

…

Yet never is it enough.

Unless my work is what they think I should be.

It is never enough to be strong mentally.

It is never a choice between being healthy physically

or shut down because of mental trauma.

…

They do not realize they have traumatized me.

They do not understand.

They care about my future

but miss what is happening in the present.

In order to heal, I must come to terms with my past

…

I fight with them because they do not see me.

I argue in order to prove I am right.

I know I can not change them.

Yet, I still try.

Perhaps someday I will learn to love myself.

With or without them.

The house will fall.

Mirrors shatter inside.

Windows break

As the tears leak out.

Shudders run through

as the façade crumbles.

My beating heart

falters as the ghosts gain purpose.

I can not control

what is left of my sanity

and what was built around me

destroys itself

as I flail in cold loneliness.

It has stopped.

The pain.

The discomfort.

The embarrassment.

The feeling of ugliness.

Comfort zone broken.

Time to retreat

and wait for another day.

Heat up the sky.

Drench the fields.

I wile away my time

Asleep at the wheel.

The little man’s gold

will never be mine

For as long as I live

Bad luck surely climbs.

Still I dream

and hope and pray

someday

oh forever

that someday.