It wasn’t a true vacation.
We never left the house.
Work still happened.
Life went on.
We were just in our own bubble.
Limited to the walls surrounding us.
Now to conquer the fears
Of returning to reality.
It wasn’t a true vacation.
We never left the house.
Work still happened.
Life went on.
We were just in our own bubble.
Limited to the walls surrounding us.
Now to conquer the fears
Of returning to reality.
The weather is warming up.
People are seen more outside.
Friends greeting each other.
Neighbours waving Hello.
Animals prowling their territory.
The birds protesting.
The dogs insisting on their walks.
City life becomes more alive.
The greys of winter turn slowly green.
The brain processes happiness once again.
When the great fall
due to enemies from within.
I never understood
Why it was so selfish to think of yourself
When all you ever did
Was everything for everyone else.
Telling the world
You have problems
Doesn’t make you weak.
It makes you stronger
For those around you
See you as you truly are.
Human.
It is sad
To see someone lose to the struggle
Fought so bitterly inside.
I only wish
People also see
What that does for them
When the Great Fall
So that they can rise.
Too excited to sleep.
Thoughts jumble and turn
As the body resists the temptation
To relax.
The night will be a long one.
The coming dawn
Proves the day will be even longer.
An argument gone wrong.
The voices raised sound angry.
The neighbours are upset.
I hope all turns out okay.
Also listening in, not to be a busybody,
but in case I need to call the police.
Thankfully, most of my neighbours
are reasonable.
But we are all human
and humans have emotions
and sometimes those emotions
get the better of us.
The thermometer moves.
Colder.
Warmer.
Put it down.
It is freezing.
Go outside!
Who pays the bills?
Up it goes!
I was comfortable.
Put on a sweater!
I’m putting tape over the thermostat!
What’s wrong with you!
Stop being lazy!
Just get up and go do it!
What are you waiting for?
How come you’re not working?!
….
I am working.
I know what is wrong with me.
I am not lazy.
I can not just get up and do it.
I’m not waiting, I’m healing.
…
Yet never is it enough.
Unless my work is what they think I should be.
It is never enough to be strong mentally.
It is never a choice between being healthy physically
or shut down because of mental trauma.
…
They do not realize they have traumatized me.
They do not understand.
They care about my future
but miss what is happening in the present.
In order to heal, I must come to terms with my past
…
I fight with them because they do not see me.
I argue in order to prove I am right.
I know I can not change them.
Yet, I still try.
Perhaps someday I will learn to love myself.
With or without them.
The house will fall.
Mirrors shatter inside.
Windows break
As the tears leak out.
Shudders run through
as the façade crumbles.
My beating heart
falters as the ghosts gain purpose.
I can not control
what is left of my sanity
and what was built around me
destroys itself
as I flail in cold loneliness.
It has stopped.
The pain.
The discomfort.
The embarrassment.
The feeling of ugliness.
Comfort zone broken.
Time to retreat
and wait for another day.
Heat up the sky.
Drench the fields.
I wile away my time
Asleep at the wheel.
The little man’s gold
will never be mine
For as long as I live
Bad luck surely climbs.
Still I dream
and hope and pray
someday
oh forever
that someday.