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They did the best they could

given the resources and knowledge

they had when I was growing up.

Money was tight

but mother loved to garden

and so fresh, frozen or canned

perishables were plentiful.

My dad worked shift work

and always tried to make time for us

if we showed any interest in what he was doing.

Still, if they had known about Autism

and the signs to look for

I may have had a much different life up until now.

I don’t begrudge them for the past.

It is the current state

where their opinion

is I am faking my diagnosis.

Troubles start

Wandering around the store

Bumping into things.

Apologize even though no one is around.

Fix the displays.

After leaving the store

Realizing security had been following you.

They probably thought I was stoned

When it is merely lack of sleep.

The difficulties with long hair

Runs a very long list.

Still I like it.

So in this blistering heat

All I can do is sweep it up

Into a messy bun

Or ponytail.

When you get the phone call

finally

from the referral placed months ago

you feel upset

and angry.

I had a problem

and now it is months too late

to do anything about it!

Telling me there are limited consultation times

only makes me more upset

because it tells me

if I had money

I would have gotten in right away!

Back up plans are good to have.

Things sometimes go wrong.

Like you have a second get away car.

Or extra batteries for your night time activities.

But children are never dispensable

and it is a mindset

I truly do not like.

So I will continue to love

and teach my children

all the necessary skills they may need.

Never tell an enemy

what protections you have in place.

They will figure them out

eventually,

but until they do

you have a little more time

being safe.

Enemies know how to pierce through

the toughest security measures

no matter how many walls you build.

The worst ones

are those who know how to get through

your emotional ones.

The abuse they wreak

will leave you traumatized

for years.

Out of the comfort zone.

Through desire or worse –

outside pressures.

Rising to the challenges

takes a lot of energy.

What happens

when you desperately need that energy

just to survive?

Up and down.

Side to side.

Back and forth.

Not quite a roller coaster ride

But this Spring

Moods fluctuate much more radically.

Constant meowing.

Rubbing against the legs.

Big eyes pleading.

Love nibbles when taking too long.

Absolute delight rolling around in the stuff.

Sleeping off the hit.

Then meowing for more upon wakefulness.

When the fun is all in taking it apart!

Figuring out how it was put together.

Seeing the insides.

Looking at each part individually.

Then eating the resulting mess!

That is why I love making lasagna!