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Listening to your body as you sleep.

Enjoying the touch of your skin.

Hearing the rhythm of your breathing

as you snore peacefully beside me.

I miss you.

My body remembers.

It knows you would treat it well.

Touching, stroking, kissing.

The tremors roll through me

every time I think of you

and what we shared.

My body remembers.

It remembers and still craves you.

I ache.

My sleep was interrupted.

My thoughts are jumbled and fragmented.

I will get through the day.

Sheer willpower is good

but eventually I will crash.

I will fall

and only I can catch me.

 

The panic rises.

Worry conflicts with logic.

I have to do this.

I can’t do this!

but I have to!

I CAN’T do this!

The internal struggle shuts down my body.

Thoughts become so intense I can not move.

Do not touch me I will scream.

I am lost inside

where no one can find me.

 

The motivation is there.

I really want to do this.

My routine is holding me back.

How can I become a better person

when all I want to do is avoid this problem?

My life is forever filled with fear.

Failure and pain have hurt me

more than I would like to admit.

There are still moments of happiness and peace

but too many days are filled with anxiety and resistance.

When my job is my life I can not enjoy my life.

Time to write!

What should I write about?

Thoughts go blank.

Oh dear, this is not good.

Nonsense poem time?

Silly unconnected rhymes?

Not this time.

My coffee awaits

but does not help me in my dilemma.

Sigh!

There was a connection.

We loved and talked and made plans.

He could not handle my true self.

He could not love me as he thought I deserved.

So alone once again

I am looking to allow myself to heal.

I hope he finds the solace he needs.

He is a good man.

I am losing a friend.

I have lost a lover.

I need a new job.

My kids are exhausting.

The house is not clean enough.

I am barely getting by.

Everything is so overwhelming.

Yet I am scared because I don’t want to lose my friend.

Life’s not fair.

It never is.

Hard work is the only way.

Yet luck is such a lucky thing.

I have the rug pulled out from under me

so many, many times.

When will I get a break?

and I am not talking about the about a limb.

Where do I go from here?

What am I going to do?

Am I just going to live like this

never growing, never learning?

What will be the plan going forward?

Someday this will be but a memory

and I will be older, wiser and perhaps happier.