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Routines disrupted

Chaos ensues

Time develops new schedules

Things return

to a semi-normal state

Before the next upheavel

Her sister is gone

Moved out of the house

She has no one to play with

No one to talk to

The comfort of her presence

The knowledge that she was right around the corner

Now that her sister is gone

She is lonely

Don’t get sick

Don’t get sick

Don’t get sick

That is the mantra

Running through my head

While my body screams at me

“Too Late!!!!!!!”

The headache is larger

and hurts with each sound

You know they just want attention

but all you want is quiet

So the headache will go away

and not cause you so much pain

Still it is life

and noise can not always be escaped

so live the consequences

and hope for the best

A list of all the things to do

Priorities made

and then changed

Things crossed off

and others added

Things to do today

or what about tomorrow

How important are these things

really?

I guess I can work on some of them

Or watch this interview I just came across….

Like why did this disappear?

Who was I talking to who said that?

What was the meaning of that look?

Where do I go for service requests?

When am I going to have to deal with it?

Am I just running in circles?

It feels like I am wearing a track

in the same few steps

over and over and over again

because I can not see any progress!

My choices

not theirs

not the ones I was scared into making

when I did not know better

My capabilities

not theirs

the ones that I have developed

and know how to implement

My confidence

not theirs

not limited to merely surviving the times

but allowing myself to grow

I am not them

not anymore

the three C’s will guide me past the obstacles

they created for me when I was younger

because I now know

who and what I am

Tense

Filled with Anxious Thoughts

Not able to fully relax

Always unsure

Never wanting to commit

just in case

And then disappointment when it doesn’t happen

in time

Or relief when it does

because then you can worry about less important things

 

Too much

Too fast

Too many people

Too much excitement

Too bad

Now that it has calmed down

She is purring on my legs

And they are slowly going numb

But she’s feeling better

And the feeling in my legs

Will eventually return