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I’m willing to admit

I did this to myself.

Mostly.

I succumbed to temptation

and let my interest

take me for a ride.

Until,

late last night

I realized what time it was

and sent myself to bed.

Except

I forgot about the child

and nightmares

and how they caused me lack of sleep.

So now

bleary eyed

and bushwhacked

I sit down

with a coffee mug in hand

and wish I could pull this off once more.

Like I used to in my earlier days

of University.

When something does not work

You need to try a different approach.

This is true in business, parenting and well – in life.

So now is how you figure out if you can implement the darn thing.

If not, try again tomorrow.

It is so easy to blame someone

for all the wrongs found in the world.

Or in this house

all the missing dishes.

Unfortunately, most of the time

should we check their room

we will find evidence to back up that theory.

A state of mindlessness.

Or an inconsequence of an early dismissal.

A backhand compliment

that creates a chance of anger.

Or simply a way to try to get things done quicker.

Either way you look at it

Actually…

Never mind.

It creates a panic

which you can not ignore.

The thought of stepping

into the place where

they are induces

so much fear.

You have to learn to control it.

Or it will ruin your life.

But also realize you do not owe anyone your time

at the expense of your mental health.

Thankfully nowadays

Corona Virus rules make it easier to avoid things.

They called me out.

I found myself exposed.

My advantages were lost.

So now is the time to face the facts

and change behaviours damaging

to us and to them.

Ask me what I mean

and you will learn the truth for yourself.

No one knows the underlying traumas better than you.

I did not know a lot of them as |I grew up.

The few I saw where in the papers

or from television.

Cartoons on Saturday morning were the main source

of cartoon entertainment.

So comics came into my life late.

The ones I always loved were the women

because even back then

I knew the struggles we had were always going to be

harder

stronger

more meaningful

because of the society we lived in.

Still, I learned to swim like the Man from Atlantis

and tried to spin my way into my costume

like Wonder Woman.

Dizzy now that I the true hero was always me

and my fight for inequality

for me and my children.

I have outgrown my parents

and seek to leave a better world for the future generations.

Give or take

10 thousand years

of course.

Simply the old computer has died.

So in comes the new one

and so does all the backups and passwords

and frustrations when you can not

do the things you used to do.

Click this button and voila!

Nope.

Maybe tomorrow.

If I can maneuver through the technical stuff.

That should take me at least a thousand years or so.