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Soft footsteps of the elephant’s cement shoes.

Foreboding fills the air.

Going downstairs to escape is not an option.

Take a deep breath and just breathe.

The terror child comes down the stairs.

I greet her and smile as she tells me she is hungry.

My brain rewires itself and I have to remind myself

She is not a terror.

My brain is playing tricks on me again.

I’m not even shopping

yet the ADs still find me.

A simple game or video to watch

and boom, they pop up.

I could always pay to make them go away

but that is even worse.

All the money that would go to the items I could have purchased

now go to them anyways without even getting anything in return.

Oh you sneaky sneaky internet commercials.

I hate you!

I am eating.

I’m just not eating enough.

Come the evening I decline to have supper.

I barely have breakfast.

Mostly coffee.

Maybe something for lunch.

But even though the stomach growls

It is ignored and I refuse to come downstairs

to eat or drink.

My choices baffle me.

I wonder if this mental health crisis

is affecting me deeper than I thought?

Is this a sign my depression is once again getting worse?

I don’t know but for now the kitchen is out of bounds.

Meaningful goobley gook

or nonsense spewed randomly?

Habits change

but discipline remains.

Is my choice a valid one

or am I merely playing a part

once again?

Silly singing songs

Chair dancing

Playing the board game

Laughing because it feels good

Just like the song says it would

Be of good cheer

Or cry to your hearts content

Both reasonable options

And both desperately needed

Simultaneously induced

Means laughter between each sob

Unexpected.

Like always.

Prevention options?

Could they have been prevented?

The horror of it happening

feels like it is for someone else.

It comes home personally

when it affects

your plans for the weekend.

Selfish.

Yes.

Human reaction?

Yes.

Survivable?

Yes.

Funny?

No.