Honesty is best.
Nothing to fear.
Yet anxiety causes worry.
Worry leads to undermining confidence.
The cycle remains.
No matter how hard I try to break it.
I fail to eliminate it.
Rug
Working.
Striving to be better.
Thinking things might be okay.
Only to have it all pulled out from under me.
Questions burn.
The struggle is to not let the Depression win.
Do something.
Anything that will allow me to not fall.
Failure to due so may result in a catastrophic loss.
One that I have been teetering on for years.
A new day
The week looks promising.
Potential is limitless.
Responsibilities demand attention.
Chances are.
Opportunities come.
Setbacks occur.
Fresh signs pop up.
Time may not be on our side
but life will always continue on.
Waking up
Regrets
Contentment
Either can happen
As your eyes try to open
Before your mouth is ready to speak.
Stay in bed awhile longer
Or go make that wonderful coffee?
If it’s up to my cats
Sleeping in is no longer an option.
Floors above
Soft footsteps of the elephant’s cement shoes.
Foreboding fills the air.
Going downstairs to escape is not an option.
Take a deep breath and just breathe.
The terror child comes down the stairs.
I greet her and smile as she tells me she is hungry.
My brain rewires itself and I have to remind myself
She is not a terror.
My brain is playing tricks on me again.
Mercantile Distractions
I’m not even shopping
yet the ADs still find me.
A simple game or video to watch
and boom, they pop up.
I could always pay to make them go away
but that is even worse.
All the money that would go to the items I could have purchased
now go to them anyways without even getting anything in return.
Oh you sneaky sneaky internet commercials.
I hate you!
An Almost Starvation Diet
I am eating.
I’m just not eating enough.
Come the evening I decline to have supper.
I barely have breakfast.
Mostly coffee.
Maybe something for lunch.
But even though the stomach growls
It is ignored and I refuse to come downstairs
to eat or drink.
My choices baffle me.
I wonder if this mental health crisis
is affecting me deeper than I thought?
Is this a sign my depression is once again getting worse?
I don’t know but for now the kitchen is out of bounds.
Discipline or Habit
Meaningful goobley gook
or nonsense spewed randomly?
Habits change
but discipline remains.
Is my choice a valid one
or am I merely playing a part
once again?
Listen to the Cat
What they say
can be profound.
They talk with their eyes,
their tails
and
their purrs.
They talk with sounds
that we think are cute
but actually
they mean something.
Cats only use their vocals
when they know the humans are listening!
Eyes
Staring at me.
Waiting for me.
Wanting me to do something.
Play with her?
Feed her?
Pet her?
Expressive eyes looking straight into my soul.
I really wish I could ask her what her purrs mean
As she looks at me like that.
