Poetry

Exhaustion finds me wiping away the tears.

Limbs drag uselessly beside me.

Eyes blur and focus on nothing.

Periphery clouds my mind.

Jumble of thoughts stammer through my mouth.

Nonsense scrambles my brain.

Yet, exhausted as I am, I can not stop.

Not now.

Not ever.

Reassure myself

That I am enough.

Money does not create happiness.

It can pay for things

Making life easier.

But my treasure, my hearts gold

Is my friends

Who cherish and support me,

Even when I’m whiny.

Simple.

Basic.

Uncomplicated.

Boring.

Uninteresting.

Non-radical.

Ideas are anything but simple.

Especially the ones that go very wrong.

Non cat people

Forced to live with someone’s fur baby.

Allergies not a factor.

Purring is sweet

But not when the animal is on the pillow.

Going to sleep

Means moving the feline

And common courtesy is not always followed.

Because cats don’t do courtesy.

Lemonade is great if you like it.

I prefer lemon meringue pie, but only if it is sweet.

Lemon juice in water is good for health.

Or so they say.

Lemon zest adds flavour to culinary masterpieces.

I’m lucky if I have the ingredients to make chilli.

All my life I have had curveballs thrown my way.

Most I have been able to work with or around.

This latest one I am lucky to have a sour faced individual who believes in me and is determined to support me.

This is the lemon I truly deserve.

Roommates instead of parent and child.

Lovers that only love platonically.

Responsibilities taken on because someone has to.

Fights that have no meaning.

Discussions giving deeper understanding.

The child watching their parents age.

Things will never be the same.

Acting casual.

Cycling around the streets.

Going to the supermarket

Buying a drink.

At night

No one suspects

As their garbage cans are knocked over

And the dogs bark

At nothing.

Nothing at all.

I look forward to seeing new people.

I am terrified I will freeze up.

Or be obnoxious and laugh too much.

This is where masking helped me before.

Except I have been working on unlearning habits that traumatized me.

Now I will go forward and try my best.

I am not quick witted.

I learn quickly.

I do not have a special talent.

Observation is one of my skills.

Empathy is used in most of my communications.

Dodging steps and not tripping is something I have not fully mastered.

I know how to walk upstairs.

In the dark I do not panic, even when fear grips tightly.

I am not stupid.

Conclusion is my perspective is unique and I like that.

Life was working out.

Things were turning around.

My anxieties were being managed.

Then I became overwhelmed by the emotional guilt hurled at me.

This was not supposed to happen!

I don’t know if I can handle it this time.

I barely survived the last ten gruelling years.

Even if it’s for just a few months

What will become of my sanity?