Poetry

I am an optimist.

Yet, dark thoughts still intrude.

I know that they are malicious.

I should not listen to them.

So I try to act positive

in the hopes I will become more positive.

Though, one of my favorite sayings is

“It will all work out somehow!”

So am I an optimist or a pessimist disguising themselves as one?

Pushed around.

Panic attacks.

Stress causing me to shut down.

Do you need to do this?

Can I get this done my way

or is your way the only right way?

Either way,

Back Off!

Go through the pockets

Find any loose change.

Revenge for the mostly dead.

A chocolate pill to swallow.

Do you believe me.

It is about true love.

I swear!

The wound hurts.

The pain is not pleasant.

But the sight of the purpling skin

as horrible as it looks

means it is healing.

I wish it weren’t so.

She terrorizes him

and we can’t figure out her triggers.

Anytime I acknowledge getting hurt

she tears after him, as if he was the one who hurt me.

He is not allowed in certain parts of the house.

She keeps him from enjoying playtime.

Sigh.

Thin tubes that lay against the bottom of the door.

Stops the draft of cold air from outside.

If only I could do that to every crack in the door

I would be a happier person.

Also warmer.

Valid.

Day.

Shone.

If I understand

Then why do you not?

I am not here for you.

I am who I am.

You are you.

So this day

I shine with my validation.

I never visit.

I never call.

When I do

We fight.

You are racist.

You are bigoted.

I do not like these things.

I know your memory fails.

You mobility is compromised.

I understand you religious ideology.

I just do not agree with it.

I love you.

I’m finding I do not always like you.

There are too many instances

in my life

where I am embarrassed or hurt.

None of them

seem significant.

Yet, my fear is the one thing I could never control.

Fear of failure,

of looking stupid

or simply making mistakes.

Yet all of those instances

have made me stronger.

I am who I am today

because I failed yesterday.

Tomorrow, I may not succeed

but at least I know

I’ll have tried my best

and someday,

someday

I will succeed.

I have gone past that point

where I am more capable and competent.

Yet, there are days

when going back to something simple

just feels right.

Soothing.

It shows me how much progress I have made.

Then when I am done

I am spurred on to do better the next time!