Terrible at not showing emotions

Posted on by drachenkreiger

I was told not to cry.

I would be laughed at while embarrassed.

Anger was forbidden.

Smiles were allowed

and sometimes there was joy.

Growing up I found myself scared of making mistakes

because I never wanted to be punished.

It was the emotional distancing

from my problems that allowed me to survive.

Now, I have to relearn new techniques to cope

and

that crying is not a sign of weakness.

I wish I didn’t care

Posted on by drachenkreiger

I was brought up to not be selfish.

Be grateful for any gifts given to you.

If you wanted something

you never asked for it.

You needed to buy it yourself.

Now, years later I am learning about self care

and how much of my childhood inhibited it.

I could not look after myself

because it would be selfish of me

and so I burned out

and had nothing left for others.

I wish I could change time

and yet I know

the only time I can change is now.

Selfish I will be when I need recharging.

Selfish I will be when I feel lost and alone.

Selfish I will be because I know

I am worth it!

No one can call me selfish when I take care of myself before them!

The father of my Children

Posted on by drachenkreiger

I hate him.

I want nothing to do with him.

Yet, for the sake of the children

things are kept civil.

As much as I want nothing to do with him

His presence is still felt in my life.

I resent him.

And his family,

for the trauma I spent in those years.

The aftermath which stills troubles me today.

Therapy helps, but even then

there are things I can only hope I’ll be able to deal with.

My strength can sometimes fail me.