Upon first waking up
The brain is foggy
and slow to distinguish
what is meant by things in front of it.
Coffee or other wake up means
sometimes help.
Then somedays
no matter what
you look at the words
in front of you
and simply
can not
comprehend
their meanings.
Normally I am okay
with not seeing people
for days at a time
but even I need to talk
to someone
anyone
who sees me
as a human being
and not another number
or case subject
I have had so many.
I want to do this!
but I can’t.
I don’t have the skills.
I want to try this!
but I am scared!
I want to be this!
but I’m old now and no longer have the energy to fight!
I wonder what dream will die tomorrow.
We all sit in different rooms
Each on our own electronic device.
Supper may be made
or we all fend for ourselves.
Eventually I call for bedtime
and if I’m lucky
there is minimal fuss.
Otherwise my evening takes longer than I would like!
The truth is I still do stupid things
like stay up very late playing games.
I still eat things I know I should not.
I just really like chips.
I sit down and do not walk as much as I should
but then to justify it all
I say
I’m young at heart
and then laugh at myself for my absurdities.
The under lying feeling of dread.
Uncertainty.
The inability to be completely calm.
The current times are full of injustices.
People are told lies
and then they believe them.
Hate is everywhere
and love seems impossible.
Protecting loved ones is crucial
yet somehow society is failing.
Both them and us!
How are we to continue on in such a manner as this?
He’s coloured to look like a loaf of bread.
He’s a big softie and loves to cuddle.
He also loves the freedom of outside.
He is still scared of her
thinking she will attack him.
He is getting bolder and comes up from the basement more often.
I love my cats and right now
with him sleeping on me
I love him all the more!
Should I care?
Why don’t I care?
Do I care more about my sleep?
Or is my child spoiled?
I really should learn to figure out the parental controls on all my electronics.
There are the games.
The social media to scroll.
The puzzles and crafts to work on.
The walks to be enjoyed.
All so I can avoid the housework!
I hear her laughing
as she plays at the computer.
She should be sleeping but
this one is stubborn.
It runs in the family.
Plus our neighbour
who is doing the same thing
probably is not helping this decision.
Since Spring has come
sleep patterns are gone out the window.
