Blog

It is just a list.

Yet, it evokes a bad vibe.

A litany of crimes.

Of aches and pains.

Charges against peers.

All bad things.

What if we switch the term

and make a litany of good thoughts?

Nah, that would be confusing

and unhealthy.

It has only just begun.

Things run wrong.

Happenstance causes chaos.

Worry builds under the pressure.

Guilt makes mistakes.

Hiding from these things does not make them go away,

but maybe,

just maybe I could have some relief from a small break.

Never a day for myself.

No one else to worry about.

Total freedom from demands.

No other humans needing something.

One of these days I need to schedule a day where no one get a hold of me.

I will go airplane mode in real life.

Why does it feel so strange

That someone has my back?

I’m not alone.

There is a person who believes in me

And wants to see me succeed.

So many years

I had to do it all myself.

Now I’m with someone

Who sees me for who I truly am.

Time will be needed to understand

My first instincts

Of panic and depression

Are not welcome

Because I finally have that one person

Who says

“You are worthy!”

Hydration

Fuelled by sugar

Raised by carbonation

Gurgling sounds

That reflect our point of view.

I know where I went wrong.

I know I was wrong to treat that way.

I acknowledge my mistakes.

That means nothing to her.

I accept that even if I am her mother she does not like me.

What hurts the most is she willing talks to him.

Her dad.

The man who hurt me beyond recognition.

She forgives him.

But she won’t forgive me.

Weird.

Unusual.

Trio of debts.

Strange.

Obnoxious.

Harrowing to forget.

Relentless.

Grifter.

Deserted on reset.

Exhaustion finds me wiping away the tears.

Limbs drag uselessly beside me.

Eyes blur and focus on nothing.

Periphery clouds my mind.

Jumble of thoughts stammer through my mouth.

Nonsense scrambles my brain.

Yet, exhausted as I am, I can not stop.

Not now.

Not ever.

Reassure myself

That I am enough.

Money does not create happiness.

It can pay for things

Making life easier.

But my treasure, my hearts gold

Is my friends

Who cherish and support me,

Even when I’m whiny.

Simple.

Basic.

Uncomplicated.

Boring.

Uninteresting.

Non-radical.

Ideas are anything but simple.

Especially the ones that go very wrong.