I was never taught to believe in myself.
Always do the practical things,
Never be adventurous or bold.
My brothers were taught differently.
Be the breadwinners, take care of your family,
Prove your worth to society.
I was to find a breadwinner
Someone to take care of me.
Instead I chose wrong
and now I must be the one who takes care of everyone else.
The baby face.
The innocence.
A sweet personality.
Outspoken and loved.
Full of self esteem.
Knows her own mind.
Not afraid of saying no!
A woman grown who no man can tame!
Only my God knows what is good for the sinners!
You shall be purged in the name of God!
No one can deny the glory of my God!
Praise be to God the Almighty!
Pick up your weapons and march!
The unbelievers will learn the wrath of God
or shall bow down in glorious worship!
Convert or face the consequences!
My God is the only God worthy of worship!
O Lord lead me in my Crusade
and I shall leave a bloody swath of the condemned in your name!
O Lord, save me from the militants who commit murder in your name….
Time to cry the petty cry!
But I didn’t know!
No one TOLD me!
It’s not my Fault!
Nobody has to know your secret shame!
You knew all along.
And did nothing!
It is out of joint!
Not in sync with the rest of the world.
I can not keep up.
Yet time moves so slowly.
Are we having fun yet?
Do you know what time it is?
Do not ask me for your time!
My time is all for me!
No one else is allowed!
You have the choice to move – but don’t.
When you have no energy
moving is not an option.
Being tired is not the same as lazy.
When you decide to sleep in
instead of getting up
that is choosing to let your body rest.
I am not lazy if I choose to give myself a chance to recover.
My energy is finite and how I use it
should be done wisely.
He’s hurt me.
No one can stop him but him.
He chooses not to stop.
How can I stop him from hurting me?
Every one else can also hurt me.
I do not know how to trust anyone!
They can hurt me like him!
No one will be given my trust because of him.
I can trust no one!
When will I stop caring about what they think of me?
Why is their opinion so important?
They have made it known I will never live up to their standards.
So I should stop caring and be myself.
I should love myself for who I am!
I should be the person who I know I can be!
And not fail every time I see them
because who I am is not who they think I am!
Yet I still find myself striving for their acceptance.
Subtle small signs that maybe, just maybe I am worthy?
I think it is because I still care about them.
I don’t want to hurt them.
Yet they have hurt me by not believing in me.
So when will I stop caring?
Furious thoughts swirl around my body.
Grace does not become me.
My apologies are easily forgotten.
I find myself walking alone.
My own violation shows me nothing.
Yet still I travel on wending my way through history.
A traveller easily lost because of selfish words.
The spirits of the world want to tell us their stories.
Long after they have gone they still linger.
Their stories are fascinating each individual one.
Some are long, some shorter than desired.
Each and every one deserves respect
for every story untold leads to humanity lost.
So be humble and when the dead visit, listen to their story.
One day you will join them.
Saturn's Premier Poet 