Blog

Getting the shot.

Flu.

Vaccine.

Birth control.

It is not always pleasant.

But what is necessary often is not.

So move the needle forward

and let the record play out

that we all did our part.

I want to contribute.

I want to be functional.

I want to not be seen as a disappointment.

Yet, I am unable to work.

I need time to heal.

I need to care for others before myself.

And so,

I am a leech on society.

Letting them prop me up

until one day

I can hopefully be standing free.

As one of them among the crowds again.

Whether it is big/small favour

Or a tragedy.

A winfall

or some other surprise

I did not ask for this to happen.

Yet it did.

So what do I do now?

Be grateful for what I was given or

wail about what was lost.

Then continue within this weird journey

given to me called life.

Eternally grateful.

For this moment.

Shocked and scared.

Excited by the danger.

Impure thoughts replaced.

Only to find arousal still edging in.

Watch him walk towards me.

Smile and nod

Before he passes by

And gone forever.

A colourful doll.

A doll within a doll.

Once again a doll within a doll.

Keep going to find more dolls.

Is the last one,

the tiniest one

solid

or is she hollow?

Like me?

Guilt rides up.

Depression tries to take control.

Emotions well and surge.

All from a small favor asked.

Working.

Exhausted.

Mental Fatigue.

Desire to hide.

Running away is not possible.

So turn the bleary eyes to the future tasks ahead.

I count to five.

The door is closing.

The decision was made.

He did not take the opportunity.

Now he knows how cold it is outside.

So no matter how much he meows

He is staying inside.

It is not a game

though to some it is.

It is not a shame

though you feel it is.

It is not to blame

though some continue the wheel.

It is not an angry flame

though sorrow can fire that fuel.

It is a chance to heal

or perhaps a verse

by those who have seen you

at your worst.

Her smile was warm.

She had a confidence under her shy veneer.

Kind and thoughtful.

A wisdom beyond her years.

She was a good person

Who seemed to understand the divisions.

Bridging those gaps was her specialty.

I will miss her.

I will honour her memory

By trying to be another peacemaker.