Author: drachenkreiger

Pretty

Often

Empty

Meaning.

Decision made.

Hindsight shows it was right.

Present feels like shit.

Hard to do.

Emotions swell.

Physically the body cures itself.

Mentally my strength gathers.

Boundaries in place.

Lessons learned.

Time to treat myself better.

Anxiety pulsing

Through your body.

Your worst fears

Are realized.

Nothing can be done.

The gun has been loaded.

The target is you.

Your mind wanders.

Thoughts take a turn.

Go down the hole

Of characters

And their traits

That you prefer.

To deny it exists.

I would rather acknowledge

And ignore it.

That way

When it blows up

I can totally have seen it coming.

Trying to make things work.

Pushing through barriers.

Hitting the wall

hoping for it to fall.

Keep going

because no other plan comes to mind.

The time is coming.

The task still needs to be done.

Yet, the consequences are minimal

If not none.

So do I need to adhere to this self imposed deadline.

Outside voices say, yes, discipline must be maintained.

Whereas my inner voice goes

Just ignore it.

You can hyper focus on something else instead.

A leak.

It drips.

Above the kitchen cupboards.

Maintenance is called.

Plumber swears.

Overtime ensues.

The stench lingers

But at least he cleaned up most of the mess.

It is safe to use once again.

Mental block.

Extreme emotional guilt.

Physically sick.

Why?

Why can I not get this simple task done?

On purpose.

Pranks gone wrong.

The cat purrs in my ear.

I will always love you.