I get dressed in the morning.
I do not want to have to change my clothes
until it is time for bed.
I find it uncomfortable to switch outfits
unless something got very dirty.
Which means
on the days where the weather fluctuates
I find it difficult
and usually shut down
hiding in bed where no one else can see me.
Plenty
Often
Erasable
Thoughts
Pretty
Often
Empty
Meaning.
Decision made.
Hindsight shows it was right.
Present feels like shit.
Hard to do.
Emotions swell.
Physically the body cures itself.
Mentally my strength gathers.
Boundaries in place.
Lessons learned.
Time to treat myself better.
Anxiety pulsing
Through your body.
Your worst fears
Are realized.
Nothing can be done.
The gun has been loaded.
The target is you.
Your mind wanders.
Thoughts take a turn.
Go down the hole
Of characters
And their traits
That you prefer.
To deny it exists.
I would rather acknowledge
And ignore it.
That way
When it blows up
I can totally have seen it coming.
Trying to make things work.
Pushing through barriers.
Hitting the wall
hoping for it to fall.
Keep going
because no other plan comes to mind.
The time is coming.
The task still needs to be done.
Yet, the consequences are minimal
If not none.
So do I need to adhere to this self imposed deadline.
Outside voices say, yes, discipline must be maintained.
Whereas my inner voice goes
Just ignore it.
You can hyper focus on something else instead.
A leak.
It drips.
Above the kitchen cupboards.
Maintenance is called.
Plumber swears.
Overtime ensues.
The stench lingers
But at least he cleaned up most of the mess.
It is safe to use once again.
Saturn's Premier Poet 